She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize