I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize