Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
