I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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