I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
