Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
