Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
