3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
3 2 1 whiskey
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
