The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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