I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
