Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
