I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
