Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
