The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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