Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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