the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
