Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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