I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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