you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
