Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
