pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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