Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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