I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize