Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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