Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
