It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The air was thick with penises
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
