i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
