a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm both gender and math confused
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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