My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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