he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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