My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
