Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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