I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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