They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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