I will die if light touches me.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
