remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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