I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize