She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
