I'm gonna have a badass scar
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
