You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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