420 ftw
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
