Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
