i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
