im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We don't watch enough power rangers
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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