Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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