ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
