dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
