once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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