Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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