you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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