It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
