I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
