he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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