I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize