Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i now understand why vodka
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
