I want to stick my p in your. b.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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