Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
