I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
