She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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