I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The uberlube is also flammable
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
