And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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