I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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