so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
