If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
