I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
