i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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