You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
