I think I am morally bankrupt
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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