rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
