when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
