theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
