Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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