yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
