R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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