I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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