he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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