why im i the only drunk person in the library?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
