I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
