Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
