please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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