Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
