and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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