Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize