i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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