Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize