What did we do last night that was yellow?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
