guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
