That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
