and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
