why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
