Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
