I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
