In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Randomize
