If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's blow job season.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
