i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
