do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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