Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
