Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
