So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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