I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
