After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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