She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
