I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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