so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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