she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My bed smells like the plague
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