True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
